2004 March | Zestful One

Archive for March, 2004

Oh, I look angry?

Mar 31st, 2004

Hmm……seems like ignoring them seems to hv made them realize something is up (at last!!)…….they asked another fren of mine about it…..their excuse : “we didnt see her…but when we realized, she looked so angry we didnt dare say hi”………whatever…

Wanted to go out clubbing tonite…but i’ve asked around…but everyone is so busy or tired….it’s juz not my luck to be going out tonite….damn! juz when i wanted to go dancin to relieve stress…..

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Ignoring me now eh?

Mar 31st, 2004

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Hm…so they are starting to ignore me now huh? Almost everyone in the gang who went together-gether are starting to think i dont exist. They can sit right next to me and make as if I’m not there. Well, two can play at dat game. I’m not going to say anything until they make the first move. A frenship has no point if only one party has to make an effort to make it work…..i feel as if Im the one who always sez hello first…..

got into this bad habit of going clubbing too often….i love to go dancing…but i also drink when i go there. Not too much tho…juz a lil……Now i feel like going out Wed nite (ladies nite) for a drink and dance to forget my sorrows :S the thing is….the same group dat ditched me is the same group i always go out clubbing with. Gotta find another way to go…..my other gal pal is enthusiastic to go as well…she’s goinna find a way.

Got a physics test…..i think its kinda easy…but im so not in the mood to study….im so dead now….

It’s 2.30 am and this is my 3rd entry in less than 24 hrs……I’m going to sleep now…test or no test…prepared or not…..friends or no frens…..

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Stupid excuses from stupid friends

Mar 30th, 2004

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Finally mentioned to my “fren” about how come she left me behind….she said i told her dat i was going to study. Checked my chat logs and discovered that i juz said i was going to study some time later……and i did ask her if she was going out….but she said she was going to study too…..

Study MY FOOT!! she went to the beach with the rest of my gang……..and had the cheek to say i said i wanted to “Study”. Wud d hell?!?!She knew i wasnt in a gud mood. She knew it needed time out….and yet…..

i really got nothing to say now…I’ve been hurt once before…and it wont happen again….I’m scared…..scared to make friends….scared of getting hurt again. Small things like this shouldnt effect me, I know…but I’ve been moody a few days now. Stressed with school work. I actually have a Physics test tomorrow and am currently studying for it. Its easy shit…but nothing can really enter my mind now

I feel like screaming…..crying…anything to remove wat i’m feeling. Words CANNOT describe wat i feel. Even I am confused by what I’m feeling. Im tired…..tired of thinking….tired of trying to understand other people…..tired of making excuses for others…..tired of listening to people trying to “pacify” me. For goodness sake!! Can’t i even spend some time being moody and depressed??? Instead, everyone expects me to lighten up…….of course I would lighten up….but i also need time to be sad….for after the rain comes the sunshine.

ONE good thing did happen today tho…..i was opening my Friendster.com when i found a testimonial dat a fren wrote for me. He’s my fren back in KK….I wont be seeing him for a long time…but the way he wrote made me think of happy memories i had back in KK…where i spent 7 years of my life. I actually cried when i read it…coz it came at the very time dat i was wondering why i cant choose good frens…..Thank you God for sending dat at the very time i needed it………..I guess my guy fren would never realize the impact his small and seemingly insignificant testimonial did for me….but I would always know…..

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Time for new friends?

Mar 30th, 2004

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Well…when it comes to this point…the only thing left to do is to move on. “Get new friends”..dat what people said. Hah! Easier said than done. Friends are a big priority in my life. I’ve got lotsa frens…but only get close to a few….found out last sem that the bunch i got close to tend to ignore me coz they got “hooked up” with each other……

The same thing happened again with another group of frens….whether purposely or not…i dont know…what i do know is….This is really the end of the line….Trust is too fragile a thing to be easily given to others….

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