Zestful One

Straight or crooked?

Posted by IcedNyior on December 19, 2005  |  No Comments

Beautiful woman are made to be admired. Dont you agree? Im sure many guys lusted over Angelina Jolie in Mr & Mrs Smith. As a normal human being, I appreciate beauty : be it a lifelike painting, a gorgeous sunset, a handsome guy, and even, a beautiful woman.

Lately I’ve been lepaking with my guy frens alot (as usual la..its been like that since a long time ago) and I have this feeling that they’ve started considering me as “one of the guys”. And like most other guys (and some girls) when they hang out together-gether, they like to ogle at the opposite sex- even when they are halfway telling an interesting story.

The thing is, i often join in these discussions and even throw in a few comments of my own. ahaha! Even talking about fantasies and stuff – from standards like a hot gal wearing a man’s long-sleeved button up shirt with nothing underneath to outrageous ones like…err…i’d rather not say because I still want to keep my blog PG-13. haha!

Anyway, the other day my fren asked me something funny :
Fren : can i ask u something?
me : yea?
fren : Are u lesbian?
me: huh? No la!! *laughs*
fren : But you look at girls…
me : Well, beautiful women are made to be admired
fren : oh yeah..and so much more…*gives this horny look*

*note to self : must stop ogling at girls

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It seems like he haunts me now that i’ve broken up with him. First, when i went to lowyat the other day, i happen to walk into the shop that we always browsed around in and we used to date in BB (because it was near his place and easily accessible). Then another time, someone happen to pass by me somewhere in ikano and he smelt exactly like my ex – Jean Paul Gaultier, the blue bottle of a man’s torso.

And the freakiest one was when I was at TTDI and this guy with the same body build and style of dressing came. He even used a black bandanna with some white tribal designs – exactly what my ex always used coz he didnt like his haircut – i mean, who uses that anymore? Its outdated. I had to like look closely to make sure it wasnt him. Phew!

freaky eh?

Partying, clubbing & driving

Posted by IcedNyior on December 17, 2005  |  No Comments

Been kinda busy lately. Had Nick’s ‘Pre-Christmas’ party on the 9th. Then had my driving theory test on the 14th. Had a LONG sms conv with *him* later during the nite (read prev post). Went clubbing on Thursday nite (15th) at Zouk with Orion. Went to watch King Kong with Incik amat and his boys on Fri nite. Went to the 3-hrs bengkel ‘talk’ for my driving this afternoon.

Nick’s party was a fun (hehe! thanks for the playing host Nick). At first i kinda of had some uneasiness because I’d be the eldest one there, so I plotted to drag Erin into the loop – even tho she was sick and tired. Anyway, I made lasagne (but it had a slight bitter aftertaste because I must have burnt over-melted the butter coz was in a rush) that evening bout an hour before he picked me up coz I was out with some friends that afternoon lepaking :P But everyone said it was yummy…esp Nick. Okay, next time i make more for you, minus the burnt aftertaste. LOL!

Anyway, we played “strip or shoot”…(im beginning to really like that game)…where you have to spin an arrow and – depending on where the arrow points – strip something from the waist up/down (watch, jewellry, shirts, ect) OR drink a shot of whatever ‘beverage’ was in the shot glass. The beverage that night was neat vodka shots – no lime, no salt, just straight up…burns ur throat and only hits after a few shots (or maybe one, depending on ur alcohol tolerance). That nite was fun because there were more people playing who were sporting.

Weird thing was, I kind of felt tipsy even tho I didnt take as much as the previous time we played the game. Most probably because I havent slept the night before and was out the whole day. Or maybe because I have been cutting down alot on my drinking lately. Anyway, his party ended at around 11pm-ish. Actually im not sure because I took a nap right after the game ended and people started going back. After my nap, I went out lepaking with some friends. Sorry left u behind Erin, tot u were sound asleep :P

The driving test the other day was okay lah. I passed it. Had to get up SO early to get there early la. But at least I made a new friend and taught her how to use the LRT (poor little rich kid). Hopefully can get everything settled in the next month or so. Not like I’m going to get my own wheels anytime soon but it’ll be so convienient. I can imagine si botak saying “ah, drive urself to mosin lah!” and incik amat asking, “Can pick me up? im lazy to drive” =P hehehe!

That night (thursday) at Zouk was a blast! I had such fun that I havent had in ages. I think the last time i went to Zouk was more than like 6 mths ago when Mag was around. Even tho it was juz the 2 of us, we went around 10 something and hung around the bar, watching the bartenders do what they do best – mixing cocktails – while trying to guess what each drink was. Had a Chivas on-the-rock. It was great dancing like for 2 hrs straight even tho I was wearing heels – bout 3 inches – and my thighs were tired after that as if i’d had an all nite sex marathon…haha. But it was great fun and we didnt get harassed by any guys – not that there were many cute guys in Zouk..there was alot of hot girls tho :P

After that we lepaked with si botak, incik amat & fren till someone was practically falling asleep at the mamak stall. haha! then we went back and found my sister still busy playing games on the PC. We ended up talking till morning while someone was trying to sleep because she had work the next day. LOL! She woke up a bit cranky and not in the right mind but she did get to work :P

Didnt sleep that day, went to Low yat to pick up a new keyboard and protective plastic sheet for my iPaq then went to watch King Kong. The show was nice….esp the part on the island. But the ending part was boring and predictable so I took time to take a nap. It was nice, all snuggled up in my sweater and the cinema was cold – really really cold – and i had a good rest. LOL! After that went back and went out again around 3.30 with si botak coz he was suddenly bored then came back in the morning and managed to FINALLY sleep at 8am after 2 days of not sleeping.

Woke up at 11 something in the morning to go for my bengkel talk – which started late (waste my time only wait so damn long) and the speaker had tons of lame jokes. Went back around 7pm, took a shower, then came to Ikano. After this going to lepak…then I want to go back home and sleep sleep sleep!! :P

It will be over…

Posted by IcedNyior on December 15, 2005  |  2 Comments

Like I mentioned in a previous post, i was considering breaking up, but before that, I decided to meet up with *him* face-to-face to have a long chat. So I SMSd him one afternoon asking when was he free next.

Dear, when r u free? Nak jumpa.
Im free today, want to meet up?
Im busy la today, was out the whole day. Tired. Lain kali la
Tak apalah, tu salah saya. Lain kali I kena booking u awal-awal.

Somehow I felt like he was mocking me about the ‘booking’ part. As if my time was so full that he had to make appointments with me days beforehand. However, I didnt think much of it until i got an SMS at 2 am the next morning:

Sleeping? I cant sleep. What are u doing now?
Just lying down, reading. You off tomorrow? I told u to tell me if ur free kan?
Honey, im only having off next week. Masa ni i boring la nak jumpa. U sometimes dont have time. Why? Maybe you prefer your friends over your bf.
I had a whole week holiday, felt like calling you but I was worried you wont hv time. U kan selalu sibuk
Why tak call? Im busy because i got things to do. Sometimes u tak reply my sms/call. You’re getting bored meeting me?
Bukan boring, u yg takde masa. If everyday meet that’s boring. If possible, i want to meet u once a month. janji?
Why only once a month? Dont u miss me? I always call u, but u never pick up. U say im busy with frens, but ur busy with work. Kalo susah mcm nie, kita jadi kawan saja lah.
Honey, you dont kno how much I miss you tapi masa & waktu tak tepat bagi kita. I tak anggap u sbg kawan, You are my baby
If its so difficult, then lets just call it off la.
Its up to you. For me, tepuk sebelah tangan tak guna. & apa kita lakukan itu satu azimat bagiku. But can we meet 1 last time?
Okay, let me think about this decision. See u next week. Gnite.

“I boring la nak jumpa”, “You kan selalu sibuk?”, “U yg takde masa”. I felt hurt. After all those times I accommodated to *his* time, going down all the way to meet him, giving and taking my fair share. Its like he’s jealous of me spending too much time with my other friends (who are mostly guys =P) but at least I’ve introduced them to him. And he said they were nice. But that was a few months ago.

One half of my friends say that he’s too good a guy to give up, another half says that I am happy to be without him, one guy keeps (jokingly) rubbing it in by calling me a heart-breaker who uses guys – ‘habis madu, sepah dibuang’. You know, stuff like that.

On one hand, I’m somewhat relieved at the prospect of being single again, able to ogle after guys without a nagging conscience, able to flirt around and lepak with any guyfren I choose to without having to worry that the bf would get jealous. I have never been someone who was good in commitments. On the other hand, he’s a nice guy and I feel unease in having to break his heart. I kno he is sincere with me and has been the best guy I’ve met : caring, sweet, friendly, loving, generous, gentlemanly, refuses to let me pay or do anything, really took care of me. Previous guys were either : too old (feels weird), too young & immature (makes me feel too old), married with kids (I only found out after), sex maniacs (oh god!!), stayed too far (i dont dig LDR*), had a squeaky voice (it was a turn off), was a sloppy kisser (ew ew ew!), very stingy & rude (major turn off), and the list goes on and on.

So why am I giving up something good? Because, for me, the moment you’re not sure how to answer the question “so are you happy with him?” then it’s time to let him go. Because the moment you stop missing him, something is wrong. AND MAINLY, because I believe that he deserves someone better. Someone who would love him back with the intensity that he deserves. Someone that would put him as a top priority in their life. Someone who doesn’t have that ala-kadar, couldnt-care-less attitude on love. Someone who isnt Me.

The past few months have been short, but memorable. And the next time, I would be treading with extreme caution as not to cause another person so much hurt. Or cause myself hurt. Yes I am hurt by having to let him go. Im not as cold hearted as a certain-”bastard”. I did like him a lot (him as in the bf, not the “bastard”). So it does affect me too.

A dear friend once told me a piece of advice. I dont quite remember it’s exact words, but it went something like this, “Never look back at your previous relationships as a regret, but rather, remember the good sex times you had as fond memories and learn from the bad.”

p/s: Okay, so I added in the sex part just for fun :P

*LDR – Long distance Relationships
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Current mood: Confused yet understanding, relieved yet unhappy

Now Listening to: Blurry (Acoustic) – Puddle of Mudd

pubic Public holidays & Bellybuttons

Posted by IcedNyior on December 12, 2005  |  2 Comments

Some YM conversations I had recently:
Me: i was so confused as to why there was soooo many ppl in ikano..coz its a monday
incik amat: :P
Me: then i realized…its a pubic hol
incik amat: sultans besday
Me: opps *shocked expression* I mean….public *laughs*
incik amat: yup its a pubic holiday *gelak guling*

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Hairy: i sit by a window in my office n the aircon seems rather underpowered
Me: hehe
Me: at least ur nipples wont be erect cos of the cold
Hairy: the heat are making other things erect if u get what i mean
Hairy: hahahaha
Me: i didnt kno the ‘other things’ was heat sensitive?
Me: i kno they shrivel up in the cold tho…ahha
Me: didnt kno it works viceversa…hahaha
Hairy: i was referring to the hair on my arms
Hairy: lol
Me: hahaha
Me: i tot hair all over reacts the same way…even hair on your buttocks…
Me: if u hv a hairy ass la
Me: hahaha
Hairy: woman
Hairy: im like king-effing-kong
Hairy: im all about hair everywhere
Hairy: lol
Me: ew ew ew ew!!!
Me: so disgusting
Me: chest hair turns me off…and when i see nipple hair, i feel like plucking them off
Hairy: u havent seen nothing yet
Hairy: i have bellybutton hair
Hairy: haha
Me: …..

Boss kata translation aku superb!! take that you Cikgu i-dunno-ur-name-but-u-gave-me-a-B3-in-SPM

Posted by IcedNyior on December 8, 2005  |  No Comments

Last week or so I worked in this research/surveying company doing English to BM translations for RM6/hour. Its NOT as easy as I imagined it to be. I had an english-BM dictionary (to help translate) on one hand, and a BM dictionary (to help find the perfect word) on the other, with a laptop in the middle – running on PIII btw. At first was using a PC that was running on 64MB RAM then i got changed to use the laptop. Spent the whole day doing like 30-40 sumthing questions. Man it was not easy translating all those technical terms to BM, such as – navigational aid system, interactive voice response (tindakbalas interaktif suara).

Anyway, today i was talking with farm (who helped me get the job):
Farmy: weh bos i kata ur translation superb!!
Me: *laughed* okeh..lain kali bayar lah extra! :P
Me: :))
Farmy: chait
Me: this is something i hv to blog about :P
Me: the translation thingy
Farmy: cool
Farmy: yeah [the boss] came in n tanya
Farmy: siapa did it
Farmy: u know my malay kan hampas
Farmy: she said very good n interesting

So take tat SPM marker who gave me a B3 for my SPM. see, i am good in BM :P

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Another bit of conv with a friend who put his status as *webcam icon* “View my Black Ass”:

AssMan (12/8/2005 6:29:01 PM): meh tgk wecam kejap nak tanya aje clear ke idak
Me (12/8/2005 6:29:02 PM):omg, ur ass is BLACK?!?
AssMan (12/8/2005 6:29:17 PM): view kejap meh
AssMan (12/8/2005 6:29:34 PM): clear ke?
Me (12/8/2005 6:29:44 PM): nak tgk bontot gak :(
AssMan (12/8/2005 6:30:27 PM): gi ler usha bontot kat starbuck tu
Me (12/8/2005 6:30:34 PM): bontot sini tak best

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Something i got off an email…gave me a good laugh:
:: The Cardiologist’s Funeral ::

One of the city’s top cardiac specialists died. At his funeral, his coffin was placed in front of a huge replica of a heart made of red roses. When the pastor finished the sermon and everyone said their good-byes, the large heart opened up, the coffin rolled inside, and the heart closed again. It was a majestic tribute to the much loved cardiologist.

Suddenly, one of the mourners burst into a fit of laughter. Irritated by his insensitivity, the man sitting next to him asked, “Why are you laughing, Mister?”

“I was just thinking about my own funeral,” the man replied. “I’m a gynaecologist”…
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Oh but i got this for my birthday from my sisters. Its a coin pouch from Body Shop & MTV to increase awareness on AIDS and HIV. It even comes with a condom {one where got enough?} hidden in the back flap. I love the condom colour and design of it..so cute!

This is the unclear pic i took using my camera phone. U can see the condom on the right…yes..Durex : for better protection. The white/red thingy at the bottom is a leaflet about AIDS and HIV.
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Oh and actually i had an extreamly crappy morning – i woke up wonderful but got into an argument with Mom, felt really tired (coz couldnt sleep last nite) and i look and felt like shit. But well, many amusing things happened so I guess my day turned out ok

To break or not to break

Posted by IcedNyior on December 1, 2005  |  1 Comment

I have never really talked about my love life, just basically gave very vague references to a certain “him”. I never really liked to heboh-heboh about my boyfriend(s) or love life because I think that its something personal that I don’t have to tell the whole world.

Im basically a very simple girlfriend – I don’t expect calls or smses every day, I don’t expect dinners at fancy restaurants, I’m not clingy, I don’t mind u going out with other girl friends (in a group la, not one on one), I don’t ask about your outings, I let you have your “guys nite out”, I don’t mind u checking out other girls in my presence (I’ll even give my opinion on whether I agree or not! Lol!), I don’t mind u smoking or drinking, Im very active during ‘nocturnal activities’…haha! Just kidding ;) I like a relationship that is open, honest and free. The few things that you must respect is individuality, friendships honesty and loyalty. There are 3 things that we cannot complain about each other : work/study, family and friends. See…simple right?

Anyone interested in applying now?

I used to think that I wanted someone to care for me, to miss me, to be concerned about my welfare and most of all, to love me sincerely. But now that I have all that, I feel like something is missing. If you’re wondering if I actually like this guy, the answer is yes, I do like him – a lot. And I do like the state of our relationship now – no hassle, no tediousness and no songeh-songeh.

So why am I considering breaking it off?

Because even tho im really satisfied with the state of the relationship now, i have a feeling that he is realizing that I dont love him as much as he loves me. This was apparent in an sms he gave me last nite saying “baby, i miss you so very much. Maybe one day you’ll understand what that means.” However, i am still considering whether its worth making an effort for our relationship..and I also need to talk it over with him, because we have always been very honest with each other about our doubts and negative feelings.

But the bottomline is, I miss my single life……