Zestful One

Frustrated…..

Posted by IcedNyior on October 2, 2004  |  No Comments

What a f***ed up day!?! It started this morning when I only slept around 4 am when I have to catch a bus to class at 8 am in KJ station. Then we had Design class which was pretty interesting. And there wuz like 15 riddles we had to solve in the class. Then this guy asked me for answers. But then HE passed all of MY answers as his own when the lecturer asked for answers. He quickly yelled out all MY answers when the lecturer asked d question. Felt like smacking him…HARD!!

Feeling pretty frustrated today actually. Spent the whole afternoon planning to go out tonight but plan after plan was cancelled. First planned to stay in Subang with Isla, Heidi & Debbie and go out with them tonight. Then Isla smsed saying the rest dont want to go. Then planned of stayin in a hotel wif Andre, Sids & Erin. Den after checking online and calling around 5-6 hotels that were fully booked or too expensive, I finally found a perfect one. Then Erin said dont want coz too mahal (?!?!? RM 36 a nite is mahal? Oh well,dats d life of a student….owez broke…i understand). Den the next backup plan (the 3rd one) was for Pam to stay wif us instead of Erin. Problem is that she can only confirm after 4 pm. So there goes my plan to meet up with Isla and the rest in KLCC around 2 pm coz I need to get a confirmation. But around 3.30pm wanted to still meet up with Isla dey ol so called them to ask where are they…they said they were at Petaling street and would be going to Midvalley so I told them to c0ntact me when they were on their way to Midvalley.

At around 4.10 got news that Pam cant make it. Damn…….

Then Heidi smsed saying it rained in Petaling Street and they were all wet and were going home. At that point of time, i wuz cursing under my breath already then I got so fed up I juz went to sleep and didnt want to contact anyone already.

Somehow I think of Lola….missing her like crazy….feel like crying when i think of the times we always hang out together. Even if we couldnt get transport home after clubbing we juz chilled out together and went for breakfast the next morning before taking the morning bus back to hostel.

Lola bebeh….I mizz u like I’ve never missed anyone else before….

{except grace & J lah}

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Current Mood : Depressed & Lonely
Now listening to : “Where Will You Go” – Evanescence
~~*~~

Friend problems again

Posted by IcedNyior on April 21, 2004  |  No Comments

Can’t seem to sleep early these days. Only get sleepy around 4-5 am. Weird isnt it? Mayb i’m tired. Mayb im juz stressed.

Im dissapointed and hurt. Imagine one of your closest friends not inviting you to her housewarming party, coz her sis (and her hsemate) was the “fren” dat i mentioned in entries last month. The one that sometimes acts so friendly, then ditches me d next day. The one dat acts like a b***** and I’m not joking. Not to mention dat all of that ‘gang’ i hang out with were invited including a few new friends they made. And i also heard that they had a blast. And also got really wasted then went out clubbing.

Well, dun really care….nothing i can really do bout it i guess

Being different

Posted by IcedNyior on April 6, 2004  |  No Comments

About my earlier entry….i talked to another fren (who is not involved) about it and she said “wouldnt doing that make things worse? Wont they be surprise coz you’re suddenly not urself anymore?”

She has a point there. However, I cant please everyone can I? I am what I am. If I’m irritating, well, that’s how I am. No matter how hard you try..there is no way that you can change me to be totally what you want me to be. So since I know that my “friends” find me irritating and talkative,then I’ll try to avoid them coz if i pretend to be quiet and all that in front of them…then that makes me nothing more than a hypocrite. So my best mode of action is trying to minimize contact with them so that they wont find me so irritating anymore.

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Lately, I’ve been feeling very tired…..and not enthusiastic. Probably its coz of all the problems I’m having. If i had no classes, I could sleep the whole day away. Which is what I’ve been doing for 2 days….and I’ve missed 3 classes. I’ve never been like that before. My appetite is drastically lowered from 3 meals a day to only one. I’ve been getting an on and off flu. Not to mention I’ve been feeling a lil feverish. Im worried about what’s wrong with me…..physically and mentally…..

:S

Its out in the open

Posted by IcedNyior on April 5, 2004  |  No Comments

Hmm…so now i know why they’ve been ignoring me. Well…they think im irritating, noisy, big-mouthed and so on and so forth. Honestly, i would prefer they tell me much earlier…before deciding to hurt me first. But anyway, it good that it’s finally out in the open. At least i know what to do now…..i guess I’ll juz keep quiet all the time….since they think im such an irritating know-it-all, then fine….i wont be then.

Im SO disapointed at myself. I used to be someone who wouldnt care what people think. If they think im weird, irritating, stupid or whatever, i really wouldnt care. But now…..things change…..telling it straight to my face has cause me to think. Yes, i did suspect that they find me irritating sometimes…but not till that extent. Well, i guess I’ll juz give them the person they want. Actually…it’s more like I’m goinna try to avoid them as much as I can…juz to keep the peace. Friends are such an important priority for me…..

The me i used to know is slipping away…..its so pathetic……I have to start wearing a mask again….but then i’m not the only one…..everyone wears masks. Why shouldnt I?

No one knows the real me anymore…….I’m not even sure if I do

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It rained today…what a relief. I love the rain….i love watching it and listening to it. For me…it seems like it washes my pain away….like symbolism of the tears that can never fall down my face. The rain makes me feel so melancholic…….i wish it rained more…especially at night…..especially when I’m feeling alone….

I stood outside my hostel corridor juz watching the rain fall down….beautiful experience, standing there for bout 10 mins. Doing absolutely nothing……Can’t wait to do that again soon….. [Bad thing was that this rain was on and off...so couldnt really enjoy it to the fullest]

[Writings] Untitled

Posted by IcedNyior on December 10, 2003  |  No Comments

~ Wrote this yesterday when I was in a sad mood….hmm  ~

I see in my mind’s eye

An empty field, void of anything,

I see myself in the middle of this field

Looking right and left

Seeing green ground meeting blue horizon

Everywhere I look.

 

Why? Why am I alone?

My heart cries out in pain

Why? Why this frustration?

I close my eyes and scream

Why? Why am I feeling this?

I get to my feet and run.

 

Running….endless running

Away from what, I don’t know

Towards where, I have no idea

Does it matter when my life

Seems like a meaningless cycle?

 

There has to be a way out of this

My heart whispers hopefully

I have yet to find the door

The door that will bring me happiness

 

Happiness seems like a dream

So far away, out of my reach

I feel tears welling up in my eyes

I bring my hand up to wipe it away

But it has dried up…

 

Dry tears that never fall from my eyes

Funny how tears seems to be my best friend

Tears that no one but I see

Tears no one even realizes could be there

 

Tears that no one can stop…

No one can help….

Bad results :(

Posted by IcedNyior on December 6, 2003  |  No Comments

Finally got my results…….erm….quite bad. Kinda expected it…but I was hoping dat it wouldnt be as bad. Oh well, what can i do? No use crying over spilt milk……or failed papers……or wasted tuition fees for dat matter.

Well, all I can do now is juz try to enjoy my 3 months break coz I dont have classes till 8 March. Probably going back sooner to settle things up. Wats more with the possibility of moving to KL in Jan, I probably have to start packing up…yet again….

Wat i feel about the move to KL is….well, personally it doesnt affect me. I’m still going to study in Curtin for another semester, which means I’m basically still in the same place, which is great! Coz i hate moving……well….doesnt everyone…

Hmm….kinda dissapointed about my results……