Its been more than a month now. The first month was wonderful you know. That getting to know each other. The lovey-dovey sayang-sayang phase. Its a really exciting time because everything is so new and nice. But what happened after that initial stage?

We’ve been having these little squabbles. Over silly little insignificant things. Things that are not important. I have to admit, it’s mostly on my part. Most of the time he’d give in apologizing. (more…)

Someone told… me that I look so troubled when I sleep, as if the weight of the world is on my shoulders. My cheeks droop and I don’t look happy. Which is contrary to how I am when I’m awake - bubbly, cheerful, funny, happy.

And I think… its because when I’m awake I don’t really worry about a lot of problems, I take life as it comes. But when I sleep, I dream weird dreams and never have restful sleep. My mind is constantly working, going around in circles, pondering things in my subconscious. Perhaps that why I look so tense. (more…)

I’ve been driving long distances a lot lately. Something like 20-30 minutes one way to go and see him. Going down there for dinner. Sometimes meeting him at 2am, then lepaking in kedai mamak till 5am. Sounds a bit crazy right?

Ah but then, there are those times that he comes down to see me. 30 minutes via komuter. Checking out all the food places that looks interesting. On the early mornings when I lepak there, he would temankan me all the way back at 5.30am back to Subang then take a ktm back then go straight to his office.

I wonder how some girls (and guys) can go over the top for their loved ones. For example, my sister would follow her bf’s car all the way to kota kemuning then drop off his car at his place then drive our car to shah alam to meet up with his friends. After that she sends him back to KK and then comes back to Kota Damansara (at least that’s what I think the plan was).

I think that everyone has a different view on ’sacrifices’ and ‘compromising’ in their relationships and how much are they willing to put out. Here’s an interesting quote:

Most people will tell you that the secret to a happy relationship is compromise. They’re wrong.
You gotta do what makes you happy.
Then you gotta to find that mate who gets his greatest joy from seeing you that way.

~ Quote from Las Vegas ~ S05E10

The words that comfort me and make me feel loved
From the lips that have touched mine
Is spoken to another person,
The exact same tone, exact same mood
The very same words

“You’re playing with fire. Don’t forget karma.” said Pam. Yes, I know, I know. But this is the path I chose to take, karma or no karma. I selfishly chose my own happiness - without regard of what or who gets burnt.

Technically, I have no right to terasa. Come on, its not like I didn’t expect it to happen. I knew that I’d have to face it sooner or later and not just once, but a few times at that. But then, how come I feel so…..

Worst part is, no matter how much we try to assure ourselves, I know this won’t have a happy ending. Sigh~

**comments are closed because I just don’t feel like it**

*looks at the clock* yea I’m up too early today. Morning world

Technically it isn’t a breakup which is why I mention it as a “break up” with all the inverted commas. Hehe! I was never officially together with B but it was progressing that way, we got closer and closer.

I thought perhaps he was the one guy who was serious about me. *sigh* The good things in my life , wait, let me rephrase. Its more like the good guys in my life don’t last long. Then again, maybe they weren’t “good guys” after all. I’ve been warned over and over that I trust people too easily.

Anyway, I’ve been debating on how to cut it off with him since December. I have some stuff over at his place. Every time I break it off with someone its usually over the phone - not because I want to, but circumstances forces me to do that. Usually its a fight over the phone then I say I want a breakup then never contact him or layan his “I made a mistake and now I want you back” calls.

So, I kinda chickened out. I never actually got to the point that I told him it’s off, but I sent my guy fren to pick up all my stuff. I lent him my other phone to use because his was spoilt and I don’t like it when I can’t contact someone. Now since I took it back, he has no means to contact me and I can’t contact him either. So I guess its like an assumption la

Evil kan?

The worst thing I hate about the dating game is the what if’s. Get what I mean? Well its those thoughts you have in your head - all those doubts and questions.

• what if he was lying to me?…
• what if he’s not really busy at work but with someone else…
• what if this doesn’t work out…
• and the list goes on and on

I know that girls tend to overanalyze things. We tend to look at things mostly from a very emotional side. As for me I tend to rationalize my feelings - which can be both a good and a bad thing. Yes I like this guy, but is it worth it?

Most of the time, I find that as much as I like the guy, its not going to work out. And so, I slowly pull myself away, most of the time I tell him the real reason what it won’t work out. Sometimes (with some thick headed people) I just gradually lose contact with them.

No more wondering and waiting for phone calls for me, thank you very much.