*looks at the clock* yea I’m up too early today. Morning world

Technically it isn’t a breakup which is why I mention it as a “break up” with all the inverted commas. Hehe! I was never officially together with B but it was progressing that way, we got closer and closer.

I thought perhaps he was the one guy who was serious about me. *sigh* The good things in my life , wait, let me rephrase. Its more like the good guys in my life don’t last long. Then again, maybe they weren’t “good guys” after all. I’ve been warned over and over that I trust people too easily.

Anyway, I’ve been debating on how to cut it off with him since December. I have some stuff over at his place. Every time I break it off with someone its usually over the phone - not because I want to, but circumstances forces me to do that. Usually its a fight over the phone then I say I want a breakup then never contact him or layan his “I made a mistake and now I want you back” calls.

So, I kinda chickened out. I never actually got to the point that I told him it’s off, but I sent my guy fren to pick up all my stuff. I lent him my other phone to use because his was spoilt and I don’t like it when I can’t contact someone. Now since I took it back, he has no means to contact me and I can’t contact him either. So I guess its like an assumption la

Evil kan?

The worst thing I hate about the dating game is the what if’s. Get what I mean? Well its those thoughts you have in your head - all those doubts and questions.

• what if he was lying to me?…
• what if he’s not really busy at work but with someone else…
• what if this doesn’t work out…
• and the list goes on and on

I know that girls tend to overanalyze things. We tend to look at things mostly from a very emotional side. As for me I tend to rationalize my feelings - which can be both a good and a bad thing. Yes I like this guy, but is it worth it?

Most of the time, I find that as much as I like the guy, its not going to work out. And so, I slowly pull myself away, most of the time I tell him the real reason what it won’t work out. Sometimes (with some thick headed people) I just gradually lose contact with them.

No more wondering and waiting for phone calls for me, thank you very much.

I’m laying here in the dark, listening to the light snoring and the quiet rumble of the LRT starting its daily routine. I really love times like these, the wee hours of the morning when night has passed but it isn’t morning, not just yet. Its a time for pondering, reflection and many thoughts.

Its kind of chilly, the air, during these magical moments that are just like twilight - the in between time, that 1-2 hours perched at the edge of day and night or night and day. Bundled up in a comforter that is very soft due to years of use, I wish that every night could be like this. The reassuring feeling of being loved and taken care of envelopes me much like this comforter, keeping my body and heart warm. But I’m still not sure why I’m so hesitant.

Perhaps I know that this time it’s different. There’s something here that i know will pull and suck me in deep. If I stop resisting now but in the future it doesn’t work out, I’ll fall. Fall hard, like I’ve never fallen before. And I don’t know if I can pick myself up after that.

“Its a part of life” my friends say. “Better to have loved and lost then never loved at all.” Yea you may be right but its the lost part that really troubles me. Then my mind rationalizes by saying “Don’t commit, not just yet. If you don’t have it, you cant lose it. No loss = no hurt.” Crazily enough, it works. That’s where I am now. Not single but not really attached. And he seems to be ok up with it - so far.

However deep down i know its wrong, unfair. Mostly for him, but also for me. Maybe I’m just scared.

The whole country is abuzz about the whole BERSIH thingy. Got a text from a trusted source about the rally that took place yesterday and passed the word around to a few people who i know like to mingle with the weekend crowd in KL. (Im not a big fan of going out to KL in weekends, pening seeing the crowd, where everyone brings their mother, father, grandmother, grandfather, etc etc etc, u get my drift)

Anyway for those that have been living under a coconut shell, Bersih is a group of about 71 entities - including some registered political parties (correct me if im wrong) who organized a peaceful protest/rally in Dataran Merdeka to urge the government for electoral reform, changes in voting/polling and also fair and equitable access to the national media. Some 40,000 - 50,000 people were gathered in KL wearing Yellow shirts/headbands for the peaceful protest before they were sprayed with water and tear gas which caused most to disperse.

(more…)

I was away for the weekend, so I was catching up on all the posts that I missed during the weekend. Managed to read this post that was written slightly passed midnight this morning. I know that most other ppl who read it would be appalled, shocked and perhaps would be saying things like “naper dier rasa mcm tu?”, “sensitif juga mamat nie” and defending things like “alar, jgn la terasa, joe mmg mcm tu, takyah nak amik port sgt apa dier kata…bla bla bla”. (more…)

“End of the era of a casanova” said Pam. She met her already.

I shook my head and laughed in disbelief. After hearing lots of stories about this gal and that gal, he said he met someone. And it was serious. “Im not jahat like before already,” said A.

I finally met her - his new girlfriend today. “Oh..ini ke si dia yg I dah dgr byk citer,” I said as I salam her tangan. Sweet girl. A bit quiet tho. A ‘missy’ who drive a Jazz, quite classy looking juga.

We had some fun kutuking laughing at some of his bad habits - like the fact that he’s a damn lousy back seat driver who keeps making comments about our driving (“ehh..laju sgt”, “bahayanya u pusing mcm tu”, “takleh slow lagi ke?”) then keeps wanting to use his way (“naper u tak ikot jalan nie? naper ikot jalan tu? kalo u ikot……lagi cepat tau”).

They got good chemistry together, her feelings for him are especially obvious. The light touching on the arms when they talk, the lowering of the voice when they are on the phone with each other, the look in their eyes when they look at each other. Things I’ve seen him do with other girls…

Well, I hope, for her sake, the casanova has retired.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~
But if I were her, I’d feel threatened by the fact that he has not one, but TWO close girl friends who knows him well enough to complain about his quirks and use his phone dgn tak malunya amongst other things.

But im not goinna tell him that…he’ll figure it out soon enough. Hehehe!