The worst thing I hate about the dating game is the what if’s. Get what I mean? Well its those thoughts you have in your head - all those doubts and questions.

• what if he was lying to me?…
• what if he’s not really busy at work but with someone else…
• what if this doesn’t work out…
• and the list goes on and on

I know that girls tend to overanalyze things. We tend to look at things mostly from a very emotional side. As for me I tend to rationalize my feelings - which can be both a good and a bad thing. Yes I like this guy, but is it worth it?

Most of the time, I find that as much as I like the guy, its not going to work out. And so, I slowly pull myself away, most of the time I tell him the real reason what it won’t work out. Sometimes (with some thick headed people) I just gradually lose contact with them.

No more wondering and waiting for phone calls for me, thank you very much.

My baby is back from the workshop. Yey! I is hepi! And thus I shall celebrate by going out tonite and not coming home until tomorrow

Last night I took a walk in the snow.
Couples holding hands, places to go
Seems like everyone but me is in love.

Santa can you hear me
I signed my letter that I sealed with a kiss
I sent it off
It just said this
I know exactly what I want this year.
Santa can you hear me.
I want my baby (baby, yeah)
I want someone to love me someone to hold me.
Maybe (maybe, maybe maybe.) he’ll be all my own in a big red bow

Santa can you hear me?
I have been so good this year and all I want is one thing
Tell me my true love is near
He’s all I want, just for me underneath my christmas tree
I’ll be waiting here.
Santa thats my only wish this year.
oohhh ohh yeah
Christmas Eve I just can’t sleep
Would I be wrong for taking a peek?
Cause I heard that your coming to town

Santa can you hear me? (yea yeah)
Really hope that your on your way
With something special for me in your sleigh
Ohh please make my wish come true
Santa can you hear me
I want my baby (baby)
I want someone to love me someone to hold me
Maybe (maybe maybe) we’ll be all the love under the mistletoe

Santa can you hear me
I have been so good this year
And all I want is one thing
Tell me my true love is near
He’s all I want just for me
Underneath my christmas tree
I’ll be waiting here santa thats my only wish this year
I hope my letter reaches you in time
Bring me love can call all mine
(yeah yeah) cause I have been so good this year.

Can’t be alone under the mistletoe
He’s all want and a big red bow
Santa can you hear me (hear me?)
I have been so good this year
And all i want is one thing
Tell me my true love is near
He’s all I want. just for me
Underneath my christmas tree
I’ll be waiting here (ohh yeah) santa thats my only wish this year
Oh santa can u hear me? oh santa
Well hes all I want just for me underneath my Christmas tree
Oh I’ll be waiting here
Santa thats my only wish this year.

Sigh..pls call me back.

I’m laying here in the dark, listening to the light snoring and the quiet rumble of the LRT starting its daily routine. I really love times like these, the wee hours of the morning when night has passed but it isn’t morning, not just yet. Its a time for pondering, reflection and many thoughts.

Its kind of chilly, the air, during these magical moments that are just like twilight - the in between time, that 1-2 hours perched at the edge of day and night or night and day. Bundled up in a comforter that is very soft due to years of use, I wish that every night could be like this. The reassuring feeling of being loved and taken care of envelopes me much like this comforter, keeping my body and heart warm. But I’m still not sure why I’m so hesitant.

Perhaps I know that this time it’s different. There’s something here that i know will pull and suck me in deep. If I stop resisting now but in the future it doesn’t work out, I’ll fall. Fall hard, like I’ve never fallen before. And I don’t know if I can pick myself up after that.

“Its a part of life” my friends say. “Better to have loved and lost then never loved at all.” Yea you may be right but its the lost part that really troubles me. Then my mind rationalizes by saying “Don’t commit, not just yet. If you don’t have it, you cant lose it. No loss = no hurt.” Crazily enough, it works. That’s where I am now. Not single but not really attached. And he seems to be ok up with it - so far.

However deep down i know its wrong, unfair. Mostly for him, but also for me. Maybe I’m just scared.

Omg, im SO tired~! Slept early yesterday, from 4pm till around 3 am. Haha! Fitful 11 hours sleep with no interruptions. Then of course couldn’t sleep until now. However, I’ve been busy the whole day packing. Oh no! Not another move?

Nope, just a lot of furniture moving. Carrying furniture upstairs and downstairs. My parents decided that they wanted to change the layout of my room because my corner table from Ikea was taking up too much space and I agreed with them. We then began the very tedious process.

First I had to pack up all my stuff and throw out things I don’t need. My mom made me throw out a lot of stuff. She called me a hoarder. LOL! Well I kinda am. Sayang la to throw anything away, who knows they might be useful one day (but that day seldom comes). Then we had to dismantle the table and mop and wipe away the 5 inches of dust collected underneath all the furniture. Then carry the furniture upstairs (my room is downstairs) and carry the furniture from upstairs down.

Anyway, this is how my room looked before, a lil cramped:

And this is how my room looks like now - but i still have to rearrange my stuff on the shelves.
 

Sooo tired! Im goinna have an early nite tonite.

If the ‘before’ pics look familiar, they’re actually from the "Spot the difference" post - about one year ago.

My holidays have been filled with sesi menembamkan diri, lepaking, movies, sleeping, outings, lepakings, gaming, catan and a lil bit of clubbing. I heard a laugh Seriously, I hvn’t been doin as much clubbing as before

After the exams, Pam & I went down to Putrajaya to help Sonic with her video project. She was looking for a secluded road to shoot her vid so we ended up on the hill in Precinct 1. It was a very secluded & scary road with trees all around. Anyway we wrapped it up pretty quick (it was the waiting that was long) then went back.

I still haven’t fixed my car Or rather, my parents haven’t gotten round to sending it and I don’t even want to  ask - it avoids any awkward questions. Hehe! I hung up this beaded Sarawakian handicraft - the one that looks like a bell in my car. Supposed to give to

Some of my nights have been filled with watching movies in the cinema or DVDs, lepaking at Rasta or Coffee Hut or hanging out at Arai’s playing games - Catan, Bang, Uno, etc

Oh, i managed to meet up with Grace when she was here for the UiTM graduation. Congrats on graduating babe! Wish you could have stayed longer.

On a personal level, things have been looking up. Im not sure how should I go about doing this. I know some people are skeptical. But lets see how this goes. Hehe!

Have a great week