From Merv

Don’t ask me how I came up with this one. I just did.

Part 1: Boyfriends From Hell

The Football Fanatic Boyfriend
Knows the birthdays of all 11 players plus reserves of his favourite football team but can’t seem to remember your’s… Even if his life depended on it.

Calls you Victoria and insist that you call him David and talks about having children with the names Brooklyn and Cruz.

The Prodigy Programmer Boyfriend

Public class Response inherits Life
Public Function Dinner_Date
  Do While Date Still Exist
     IF Date is responsive THEN
        Make Joke
     ELSE
        Attempt to make conversation
     ELSE IF Date is twidling with her thumbs THEN
        Terminate
     End IF
  End Loop
End Function
End Class 

The Poetic Boyfriend
Constantly qoutes Edgar Allan Poe to you. Dyes his already black hair blacker, puts on funny French hat and wears turtle necks, and ends every sentence by rapping a bongo boom-be-de-boom sequence either verbally or on the table or laps.

The Geeky Boyfriend
Makes intelligent conversation. Ideal topic would be of his suspenders and how pen protectors function. Wears two-inch thick bifocal glasses and parts his hair from the extreme left.

Refers to you as the anomility that has thrown off his balanced equation in his otherwise constant life.

The “I-Want-To-Get-In-Your-Pants” Boyfriend
Can be rather exciting for sexually active women… That is until you notice his one inch penis… Erect. Every conversation, date, or gift is a overture to try to get you into bed with your clothes off and him in you.

Uses the following pickup line: “Everytime I see you, I get an erection.”

The Serious Blogger Boyfriend
You just know everything you two do is going to end up on his website. Better his than Sammyboy’s anyhow.

Part 2: Girlfriends From Hell

The Wannabe Cute Girlfriend
Insist that you pay tribute to her in anything Hello Kitty, pink, or cute like Mashi Maro. Choice of clothings include knee high thick fluffy stockings, pink Doherthy shoes straight out from The Wizard of Oz, and oversized pink cardigan.

Insist you call her by her Japanese name.

The “I Know More Than You” Girlfriend
Impresses you with the weight of her knowledge to the point of agony. Brings up topics which show her superior intellect might and corrects you at every sentence you make in attempt to contribute to the conversation. Calls you vain and uneducated when you complain about her superiority complex. Constantly insist that whatever knowledge is not important since she doesn’t know it to begin with.

Your Mother Girlfriend
Not meant literally.

You get the idea… Nag, nag, nag, nag, nag.

The Closet Lesbian Girlfriend
Asks you to sit in front of her when having lunch or dinner at foodcourts but stares past you towards some other girls sitting behind you. Makes remarks about other girls and tells you fantasies of her and other girls. Does not savvy to the idea of a threesome unless all three are female.

Asks you to wear her panties… And bra… And dress… Need I go on?

The Romantic Girlfriend
Wants you to take her to Venice, Rome, and Paris. Dreams of candlelight dinners, a bed of flowers, and a guy who can make her feel good with words alone. Wants a guy who looks stunningly handsome or at least to Jay Chou level with gentlemenly attitude.

The best you can muster is Mark Lee.

The Low Self Esteem Girlfriend
Constantly complains about the size of her breast. Wants you to tell her they’re big. You tell her they are and they don’t matter. She goes on about how you’re wrong and that they’re small and they do matter. When you ask her why they matter, she tells you that they just matter and she’s ashamed of their size. You joke with her that their size doesn’t matter because you’re not likely to get your hands on them. She calls you a bastard and demands a breakup.

She wears a 32D bra.

Part 3: The Perfect Boyfriend
That gay best friend of yours.

Part 4: The Perfect Girlfriend
Cameron Diaz. Mmmmmmm………

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