Its out in the open

Hmm…so now i know why they’ve been ignoring me. Well…they think im irritating, noisy, big-mouthed and so on and so forth. Honestly, i would prefer they tell me much earlier…before deciding to hurt me first. But anyway, it good that it’s finally out in the open. At least i know what to do now…..i guess I’ll juz keep quiet all the time….since they think im such an irritating know-it-all, then fine….i wont be then.

Im SO disapointed at myself. I used to be someone who wouldnt care what people think. If they think im weird, irritating, stupid or whatever, i really wouldnt care. But now…..things change…..telling it straight to my face has cause me to think. Yes, i did suspect that they find me irritating sometimes…but not till that extent. Well, i guess I’ll juz give them the person they want. Actually…it’s more like I’m goinna try to avoid them as much as I can…juz to keep the peace. Friends are such an important priority for me…..

The me i used to know is slipping away…..its so pathetic……I have to start wearing a mask again….but then i’m not the only one…..everyone wears masks. Why shouldnt I?

No one knows the real me anymore…….I’m not even sure if I do

It rained today…what a relief. I love the rain….i love watching it and listening to it. For me…it seems like it washes my pain away….like symbolism of the tears that can never fall down my face. The rain makes me feel so melancholic…….i wish it rained more…especially at night…..especially when I’m feeling alone….

I stood outside my hostel corridor juz watching the rain fall down….beautiful experience, standing there for bout 10 mins. Doing absolutely nothing……Can’t wait to do that again soon….. [Bad thing was that this rain was on and off…so couldnt really enjoy it to the fullest]