Musings,  Personal

The morning after

You know that feeling you get, when you wake up in the morning and realize, “shit! what have I done!?!?!” Yea that sickening feeling in your stomach that tells you that nothing will be the same again. Kinda like waking up in the morning with a terrible hangover that the room spins everytime you open your eyes and you see the most ugliest man in the world sleeping naked in your bed next to you. (NO! it’s never happened to me. Thank god!)

It’ll ether end up being so-so (as in all the parties involved go on as if nothing out of the ordinary happened) or extremely well (as in it has a positive effect) or terrible (changing your world upside down in the most negative kind of way).

Technically it was not the morning after. Heck it wasn’t even 2 days after. It was more like 2 weeks after when the subject popped up again.

And yet, I still felt terasa when you said that. Its like I cornered you into doing something you didn’t want to. Of course you didn’t actually pin point it at me. But still I terasa coz you described in general terms that it was not what you would have wanted. And I was disappointed that you should look at it that way. I tot we were on the same page.

Did you even know I terasa? Did you even notice the awkward silence hanging in the air, which you tried to cover by making the radio louder? Did you notice my nervous fiddling with my fingers and biting my nails? Did you notice the strained conversation as I was leaving? I doubt but im hoping you did. Then at least you’d have an inkling that I terasa about what you said.

I feel such regret over what I did – as if its all my mistake.. Thats the thing that annoys me the most – the regret – because I seldom regret my actions but in this case you made me second guess myself.

And i hate second guessing myself

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