Musings,  Personal

Doubts….

Am i falling for him just because I am overwhelmed by his affection? Or Im i just in it for the benefit of having someone to love me in that way – something i’ve never experienced? Or am I reluctance because Im worried that he isnt sincere? I admit I have a fondness and liking, but is that enough?

How the fuck do you kno if you’ve fallen in love? Is it when I miss him? Is it when my day is that much brighter after an sms or call? Is it when im feel so comfortable with him that even the silence is not akward? Is it when I feel happy and people around me notice?

But why can’t the words “I love you” flows naturally from my lips? Is it because I have this feeling that this r/ship will have no future (due to the age gap)? Or should I just live in the moment, and enjoy it for as long as we are together?

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im someone who will always have doubts. Someone who looks back at the restaurant table after paying the bill. Someone who would check at least twice if i zipped up my jeans before going out of the toilet. Someone who would check twice if I did enter the right toilet in the first place.

Cautious? Perhaps. Someone once told me that doubts = insecurities. Maybe he’s right. Maybe he’s not. I think that certain – not all – doubts do stem from insecurities.

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