Down in the dumps
I’m feeling very demotivated lately. I’m not sure if its the stress of exams or not. I’m sure a few of my friends have heard me saying that I want to defer my final sem and re-do it next sem. They think I’m joking.
This week or so, I have no drive and no energy to do anything. My mom would call it being malas. But its not that I’m malas. Its just that for some weird reason my heart is not into this. I’m not eating properly, I’m not sleeping properly. I feel like drawing the curtains so that its nice and dark in my room and curl up underneath my comforter and sleep for months.
This is the first time I have so many projects lined up all at one time. I missed the deadline for one of it already. One of the major ones. And that one also I couldn’t do it perfectly because I have no idea how to. I’m sending it in today, a week overdue. Basically, every bit of my work for the finals is half-heartedly done.
All this makes me wish that instead of projects, I have exam papers – like students in other courses. Projects all at one time overwhelm me. With exams, making notes and memorizing and cramming is what I do best.
When I tell people about this, all they say is, “wait till u start working. It’s even harder. Study life is your honeymoon life – enjoy memanjang”. Well, fuck you la! I’m sure u felt the same way when you were in college/uni. I’m sure at that point of time the world felt like it was going to crash down on you and bury you under its rubble. And studying now is WAAAYY different from the time that you were studying. There was less pressure to succeed and be perfect then.
At this point of time, I would trade anything, yes ANYTHING, to be able to defer my semester without any hassle or my parents making a bit fuss out of it.
I feel miserable *cries*
p/s: If you can’t get me on my phone, don’t be surprised. I need time out.