Is it just karma?

My biological clock is all messed up. I can only sleep around 7 am in the morning no matter how early i try to go to bed. My mind races like mad as I try in vain to empty it. Everytime I close my eyes, its like a switch for lotsa things to enter my mind. arggh!!

Lately, weird things have been happening in the past 2 months or so. Old friends and acquaintences have started contacting me. People whom i’ve gotten close to in the past year but somehow drited apart are suddenly calling me or sending me sms-es. Its not that I dont welcome it, but…..well, its like this, i dont mind if we have drifted apart because sometimes time, distance or situations force people apart (yeah take it from someone who has lost lots of frens from East Msia *sad*) but to have more than 3 people from my past contacting me again? and all within the same time frame?

First it started off with a friend (guy A) whom i regularly spoke to on the phone. He actually had a big crush on me at one point (i think he still harbours some feelings) and I enjoyed our conversations together. Then after i told him i got attached…i think it was sometime in Sept….he suddenly stopped contacting me. I understand why tho…heartbroken maa :P However, juz last week he rang me up, and was thinking of going out to catch up on things.

Then Grace – my childhood best friend, who’s really more of a sister, of mine whom i have not met for 2-3 years suddenly came to KL and just 3 days (sadly). So we managed to meet up for like 30 mins before she had to leave. {I miss her so much} And she met another childhood friend of ours, whom we havent met for about 10 years now.

Thirdly, a *cute but already engaged* friend from Brunei (guy B) smsed me out of the blue a few days ago (yeah..international sms) saying that he was coming to KL from Wed-Fri, hoping that we could go for drinks (tho i could probably win a drinking competition over him anyday! lol! ). Unfortunatly this weekend is my busy-to-the-max weekend coz my parents have dinners planned so I didnt get to meet him. I remembered we used to go drinking with a few mates back in Miri (no clubs in Brunei. lol!) and got into a scary haunted experience. {Maybe one day I’ll blog about it}

Fourth is my ex, who suddenly rang me up a few days ago asking if i was interested to be involved in a project he got – something in the education dept – that he needed help with. That has never happened before…i mean him asking for help. After I dumped him gently ages ago, he looked me up everything he was in KL (he’s from Kuantan) and would bring me out for dinner and such (which he seldom did before which was probably why he deserved to be dumped) but after i told him i got attached, he was broken hearted much like guy A and never contacted me again. Until now that is.

Fourth guy C, someone who…{i kind of have the feeling that u might be reading this so cant say much}…well, was in my life at one point but dissapeared. Suddenly he decided to re-appear. I dont have anything against it though

These are the major cases la…there are a few others…random friends who have started calling or smsing me again (thank goodness I keep both my old numbers and never change them) out of the blue juz to “tanya khabar” and stuff.Coincidence? mayb…but then again, mayb not.

Then I told a friend (very briefly and in general terms) about how people from my past were popping up again in my life. He said, “maybe God is testing u? Or mayb its karma?”

Personally I think (and i hope im right), that its a way of teaching me that my actions in the past does have consequences in my present and future life. Yeah like now. And of course I had to learn it the hard complicated and menyusahkan way. Might end up as a good thing tho….I think for now, I’ll let God or karma or nature take its course.

Paint a portrait of life to be proud of,
That could not be sold for all the money on earth;
Hang that potrait in your mind,
And understand it’s sever presence;
Reflect on every brush stroke that makes all the mountains,
And valleys and rivers and skies,
The most beautiful in the land.
Share your potrait with others,
But beware their brushes;
Select only those whose brush,
Will add to the beauty and structure,
Of your masterpiece.
~ Chris Ensor

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Other less-deep and probably not that interesting notes :

– My credit is super low, dont bother to sms, u mite not get a reply. Juz call lah
– seriously overbudgeted this mth. *note to self* rmbr to keep track of expenses next month
– Im the worst procrastinator on earth!! even when it comes to things like my own driving license
– Im juz eating and sleeping my holidays away – need to do something about it. The first step is always the hardest for me..dammit!
– I want internet at home *cries* waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!! stupid telekom :/
– What interesting computer games to play ahh now?
– To work, or not to work?
– *another note to self* get mailing addresses for xmas cards from certain ppl. and mail them out early…or else they’ll reach after new years like last year

P/s : to all of the below
– incik amat putih : pinjam PC game pls
– incik amat hitam : so do u find this post depressing? or juz plain confusing? or just too long? lol
– cik penjaga kandang buaya : can u get back to me about the transcrips asap?
– miss “overworked” : wei…next weekend la we go out…this weekend super the busy babe
– grace: mok kmk mail card xmas ktk to kch, myy or lws?
– alex: merik ur kch add…u’ll be thr for xmas nak? look me up
– mag & beb : need ur addresses..my pc (and address book) got refomatted :(