Personal,  Rantings

Stupid excuses from stupid friends

Finally mentioned to my “fren” about how come she left me behind….she said i told her dat i was going to study. Checked my chat logs and discovered that i juz said i was going to study some time later……and i did ask her if she was going out….but she said she was going to study too…..

Study MY FOOT!! she went to the beach with the rest of my gang……..and had the cheek to say i said i wanted to “Study”. Wud d hell?!?!She knew i wasnt in a gud mood. She knew it needed time out….and yet…..

i really got nothing to say now…I’ve been hurt once before…and it wont happen again….I’m scared…..scared to make friends….scared of getting hurt again. Small things like this shouldnt effect me, I know…but I’ve been moody a few days now. Stressed with school work. I actually have a Physics test tomorrow and am currently studying for it. Its easy shit…but nothing can really enter my mind now

I feel like screaming…..crying…anything to remove wat i’m feeling. Words CANNOT describe wat i feel. Even I am confused by what I’m feeling. Im tired…..tired of thinking….tired of trying to understand other people…..tired of making excuses for others…..tired of listening to people trying to “pacify” me. For goodness sake!! Can’t i even spend some time being moody and depressed??? Instead, everyone expects me to lighten up…….of course I would lighten up….but i also need time to be sad….for after the rain comes the sunshine.

ONE good thing did happen today tho…..i was opening my when i found a testimonial dat a fren wrote for me. He’s my fren back in KK….I wont be seeing him for a long time…but the way he wrote made me think of happy memories i had back in KK…where i spent 7 years of my life. I actually cried when i read it…coz it came at the very time dat i was wondering why i cant choose good frens…..Thank you God for sending dat at the very time i needed it………..I guess my guy fren would never realize the impact his small and seemingly insignificant testimonial did for me….but I would always know…..

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